Answering Questions with Questions
I have struggled all my life, doing and doing, putting my own feelings and goals on the back burner and cruising while someone else’s pot is on full blast; not because of thinking I HAVE to, or I WANT to, but because IT’S EXPECTED OF YOU.
And I answer, find your Why.
How do you know when you've found it? When that freight train, light bulb moment hits you, it's honestly that rush of emotion you can't fathom or even put into words. Something so simple, you've spent hours upon hours, or year after year searching for, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS sometimes. the answer for me....was me. Having to bite the bullet (which i've done and you'll never understand how horrid it is) for such a long time and understanding it's ok to be selfish sometimes.....just do you, be me, have it YOUR WAY.
Without fear of public persecution or even personal doubt, when you take the first step (even if you are just thinking about doing it) it's easily the most satisfying second of the 24 hours of your day. That deep sigh of relief that can spend in you and even better if that one second for you can be shared with God, that's when he is most pleased, we were made to worship Him after all.
- sub tangent -
When you find your Y, someway and somehow it'll all fall into place. This was also my biggest struggle with being a believer in Christ. I've been always been a thinker and a dreamer but it ironically becomes a struggle when you put your aspirations in the hands of your own faith; inception if you will, a dream within a dream.
He knows what you are going to do before you do it, so why doesn't He stop you or him or her from doing it? The satisfaction of hearing/seeing/knowing you did the right thing is all that He needs to make Him smile.
Realize now, doing it for you, also helps when you find strength in others to push you, not relying on it, but finding comfort in it to give you the courage to go on.
So finding my Why? I often have to remind myself
but MY Y.. never again to be Y Me ...but its Me, that's Y.
The Black Sheep.
How can one truly be their own person with so much emphasis being put on fitting the status quo? Being darker, the tallest, tattooed, and not to mention being the only one with a 'Johnson' gives new meaning to the phrase sticking out like a sore thumb. Living with one crazy woman is madness, living with three........shit, its hell on earth.
In this day and age, you'd expect some people to understand that times have changed FOR THE BETTER, nope, think twice, under this roof, what I can't understand most new age things are allowed but there's some warped thought process going on that has me trapped in a generation straight jacket.
Tell me, how do I win? How do I fight a losing battle? One thing comes to mind, hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. Isn't my happiness important, regardless of what it is that makes me happy? I should be able to make decisions in my own life, nothing like going for a loan or having a child, the stupid things someone my age should be able to enjoy. My life is built on contradictions and redundancies, right from HQ. Left with, 'it's not going to change, so get used t it" every single time. It's not like those parents you know you can't speak to rationally and they can't understand you; you can easily have intelligent and meaningful conversation with adults that text in shorthand and know how to correctly use a hashtag. So why is their means of parenting still so ancient?. I answer, it's all based on what is convenient to them, followed by, you'll understand once you have your own children.
Worst part? Being alone is my worst fear. So being around them drives me crazy most of the time, but being alone, especially in my own home is worse.
..............................to be continued, battling a sleeping pill and it's kicking my ass, thanks for reading.
The Black Sheep.
If you're thin skinned, this isn't for you. I'm here to vent in a world that doesn't seem to get me.